Lexie, Lexie, shout 100 people. Lexie stands up her hands are shaking as the deep black cape is being domed up around her neck. Lexie slowly sits down on one of the high chairs.
"I cant look," I say as I dig my face deeper into my knees. I can here the faint sound of the scissors chopping away. I slowly pull my face up to see Lexie with uneven hair.
"Oh no" I say as the razor starts I grab hold of Tegan's hand ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ the razor goes over Lexie's head.
Lexie has no hair but she does have a big smile on her face.
Great work on your recount of the 'Great Shave' Adele. I love the way you draw in the reader with your catchy introduction. I can also clearly see paragraphs and lots of punctuation like internal commas, speech marks and an apostrophe for possession.
ReplyDeleteChallenges:
1. Are you writing a recount in the past tense? All of it must be in the past tense - shouted, stood, ...
2. Plurals - hands would be were, hand would be was.
3. Check out how to spell 'sizzers'.
Make these changes to improve your post so it is ready for your readers.